Never Forget - 9 Years

I can't believe its already been 9 years since Sepember 11th. I'll always remember exactly where I was when it happened. I was in my Argumentation and Debate class in college and our professor had us go to the library to do some research. Because you could only be logged into one computer on the college network at one time, I had to go back to my dorm room and log off my computer there, so I could log onto one in the library. When I walked into the room, my roommate, who never had the TV on in the morning, did have the TV on and she was watching the news. I remember seeing her standing in the middle of the room and as soon as I opened the door she said "A plane just hit the World Trade Center." At that point, it was only one plane, so I stood there with her watching to see what was going on, and that's when the second plane hit.

I did go back to my class at that point, which let out early because by this point, the news was spreading around campus quickly. When I got back to my dorm room again, my mom was calling me to tell me that her boyfriend (now my step-father) was ok. He worked in New York, near the World Trade Center but had thankfully been in uptown New York that morning. The moment I got off the phone with my mom, the first tower collapsed, followed soon after by the second.

I have spent more time in New York City than in any other city. I grew up a little over an hour south of the city, and its impossible to count the number of times that I have been there. The fact that so many people seem to have forgotten what happened on this day 9 years ago, is so sad and tragic to me. I guess its easy to forget things when they don't happen close to you, but its still just shocking to me that some people can't even remember what today means. Its the city that I grew up in and my husband is one of the many people still fighting a war that began soon after September 11th. For me personally, I don't think I'll ever get used to seeing the skyline of the city the way it looks now. When I was a little kid and we drove to North Jersey for any reason, I always remember the point on the parkway where you can start to see the NYC skyline. I used to get excited and say "Look there's the twin towers!" I guess no one will ever say that again. Maybe one day the skyline will start to look normal to me again, but I honestly can't imagine that it will.

* Never Forget *

(my dad and me - taken in 1988 from Liberty State Park in Jersey City, NJ)

(my mom and me - taken from the observation deck at the Statue of Liberty in 1988)

(This isn't the best picture of me, but this picture is special to me because it was taken in August 2001, from Liberty State Park in Jersey City. I never would have dreamed that just a few weeks later, these towers would be gone and I would never, ever see this skyline again.)

A Military Wife

One of the new blogs I am following is hosting a contest right now. Check out Married to a Sailor: The Journey of a Navy Wife for details. The contest is to write a blog about what it means to be a military wife. Since I am sitting here right now, silently fuming about how the Navy has messed up my plans for the week, I thought this would be a good thing to write about right now.

I've been a Navy wife for 2 years now. My husband and I were dating for about a year before we got married. In just 3 short years I've learned a lot about this life. It has its pros and cons. It has its high moments and its low moments. I've learned that the pros and cons and highs and lows become woven together, and it all becomes life. My life. The life of many others married to a man in the military. So without further ado...

Being a Military Wife is:

~knowing that nothing will ever go the way you planned, and learning to accept that fact.

~throwing a silent temper tantrum, while only allowing your husband to see a few small tears, when he tells you that you will be moving 3000 miles away from your family and friends...and you have just 3 weeks to prepare for that move.

~accepting the fact that the career path that I chose to follow years ago, is a career path that I won't be able to follow in this life.

~a last minute vacation in Hawaii, at a 5 star hotel, for just the cost of a $1000 plane ticket, when your husband is sent there for a week and you can go visit him.

~not having a real honeymoon, but taking an amazing 3 week trip/move across the entire country, seeing things I would never have had the chance to see otherwise.

~getting settled into a new home with the knowledge that in just 3 short years, you will have to pack up, move again, and get settled into a new home once again.

~understanding that your furniture will always have scratches and dents on it and that those scratches and dents are memories of all the moves you have made.

~learning how to become a plumber, electrician, chef, veterinarian, doctor, mother AND father, because your husband won't always be around to do these things himself or to help you with them.

~waiting by the computer each night, hoping Skype will work, just so you can say "Hi." "I love you." and "Goodnight" to your husband while he sits in the hot dessert of Iraq and you sit in your comfortable home in the United States.

~understanding Murphy's Law, and welcoming Murphy into your life, because anything that can go wrong, will go wrong, while your husband is deployed.

~celebrating anniversaries, birthdays, holidays and special occasions alone.

~accept your role as a "dependent" while living your life independently.

~learning to smile through the tears.

~knowing that there is always another military wife to call... That there will always be someone who can cook you dinner when you are sick, drive you to the ER when you break your ankle trying to fix a ceiling fan, and listen to you and understand you when all you need is someone to listen and understand.

~learning how to ask for help.

~hearing "I don't know how you can do it" over and over, but taking those words as a compliment, not as an annoyance.

~bursting with pride for the job your husband does and the things he sacrifices daily for you, your family and his county.

~learning that even when you feel weak, you're stronger than you think.

~celebrating your husband's accomplishments, and beaming when he tells you that he couldn't have done it without you.

~making new friends, only to have them move 3 months later, then making new friends again, and then you moving 4 months later.

~enduring pain and loneliness time and time again, but knowing that your time spent apart will lead to even better times spent together.

~praying every night for God to keep your husband safe and out of harms way.

~slowly starting to realize that the question "where are you from?" gets harder to answer, each time a new move occurs and another home is left behind.

~feeling anger towards your husband, knowing that it is entirely unwarranted, and that the things you are angry about aren't his fault.

~making plans and being "guaranteed" that your husband will be home for those plans, only to have plans change just a day before they happen.

~knowing that a wife should be number 1 in a husband's life, but accepting the times when he has to put you as number 2, because sometimes duty trumps all other plans, wants and desires.

~learning how to talk in acronyms.

~embracing the slogan "Home is where the Navy sends us", because as long as you're together, you'll always be "home".

It may seem that many of the things I wrote were bitter and angry mixed in with a little happiness and fun, but the truth is, I'm not bitter or angry. At times I feel like I am. At times I feel like screaming "I hate the Navy". At times I tell my husband that I do hate the Navy. I cry. I get irritable. I wish for my old civilian life back. But in the midst of all that, I look at my husband and the love I feel for him is overwhelming.

There will always be a small part of me that longs for the easy life I had before.

There will always be a small part of me that wishes I had taken the path to follow a career goal.

There will always be a small part of me that hates the fact that I have to mow the lawn and scoop the litter boxes when he's gone.

There will always be a part of me that will cry and scream and stomp my feet (but only in my head), while smiling and nodding at him when he tells me where we are moving to next.

I'll always cry when he leaves, but I'll always smile when he returns.

The truth is, I love my life, because I love my husband. When I married him, I knew what I was doing. I knew what I was getting into. I knew the basics, but I never dreamed it could be as hard as it is. The funny thing is, I wouldn't want it any other way. Being a military wife has forced me to be strong and brave. Its forced me to do things I would have refused to do if I had a choice. Its forced me to broaden my horizons and appreciate the little things in life.

Now, I can't imagine life any other way. I lived another life once, but it seems so far away. The truth is, if my husband ever leaves the Navy, that will scare me. I don't know how to make the transition back into civilian life. I know that kind of life is easier, but the truth is that it doesn't even appeal to me anymore. I'm still going to get mad. I'm still going to have moments when I wish we could just be a "normal" couple. But those moments will pass, and as our lives move forward I'll embrace every new opportunity, every new home, and every new friend and every new challenge. I'll continue to stand beside my husband, supporting him and loving him. Because that's what being a military wife is to me.

MilSpouse Blog Hop

I was reading my friend NavyGirl's blog - Marrying the Navy and came across this. There is another blogger, a fellow military wife, hosting a blog hop for blogs written by military spouses. I sort of skimmed through it at first, but then went back and decided to join in. When I started this blog I planned on updating it much more often than I do, so I figured if more people were reading it, then maybe I would be more motivated to keep up with it!

The rules state that I'm supposed to introduce myself in this post, so for those of you that already know me, feel free to ignore this. For those of you who don't. I'm Brooke aka Brooklet, married to a Navy pilot for 2 years. I refer to my husband as "Mr. V" in this blog. He's a P-3 pilot stationed at NAS Whidbey Island in Washington state. We've been here since August 2008. Prior to living here we spent about 8 months in Jacksonville, Florida where Mr. V was in flight school to learn how to fly the P3. He was winged in Corpus Christi in October 2007, which is where he did most of his flight training. We met in Corpus Christi (though I'm from New Jersey originally).

We're both a little cat crazy, as proven by the 9 cats that live in our house right now. (we had 10, but one recently died, which will be in another post.) We rescue strays, socialize feral cats, and practice TNR (trap, neuter, return) for those completely feral cats. Our friends know us as the crazy cat couple, but we love the furballs and proudly sport the crazy cat couple title :-).

Since moving up here I've developed several new interests which include quilting and card making. I've always been into crafts, but my artistic talent is lacking, and I hope that one day the creations I make will actually not look homemade!

Life in Washington state has been a little hard to get used to. I can't say that I hate it here. But I CAN say that life out here is completely different from life on the East Coast, and I am crossing my fingers that we will be heading back to Florida in about a year and a half.

My blog is sort of random. I talk about military life stuff, but also just about every day stuff. I can definitely call myself a military wife in the sense of thats who I am. I married a guy in the Navy, which sucked me right into this lifestyle. However, I also like writing about other things in my life, because I don't want to be known as just a military wife. So hopefully you will find some of the things I write about interesting :-).

In the meantime, I'm excited about this blog hop and looking forward to reading more military wife blogs. I lurk around on some military spouse message boards, so I'm always interested in hearing about other people's experiences and meeting new people! If its your first time reading this blog, please let me know. I promise I'll try to become a little more interesting and update this thing a little more often!

Here's the link to the blog hop: Riding the Rollercoaster

Friendship or Necessity?

My husband's squadron has an active Officer Spouse's Club. They also have an inactive FRG (Family Readiness Group) that is in the process of starting up again. The Officer Spouse's Club is obviously for spouses of officers. The FRG is open to all spouses of all ranks. Mr. V is an officer which gave me immediate membership into the OSC. When we first relocated here, one of the first things that happened was when he was checking in. There was the instant question of "Are you married?" followed immediately by "What's your wife's contact info?" Within 1 day of that conversation, my inbox became flooded with emails from the OSC. Its basically like an immediate acceptance into a special club. Its also an automatic assumption that I actually want to be part of that special club. And that's where my mixed feelings come into play. On one hand, I love the fact that I have the opportunity to meet new people in a new place. On the other hand, I have met a lot of new people here and many of them have nothing to do with the OSC or even the same squadron, or even the military in general.

I am a person who chooses to be friends with someone because I like them. I have never been a cliquey person and I can't stand people that are. I don't like the idea that some people like me because they are supposed to. Take the OSC for example. I've been to 2 events so far. Every single person was super nice and super sweet to me. However, I can tell that in any other situation, I wouldn't be friends with a lot of these ladies. That is not to say that I don't like them, or anything is wrong with them. I just mean that I can already tell I have nothing in common with them and if we should meet on the street, we probably wouldn't give each other a second glance. On a positive note, I did meet a few ladies that I have a lot in common with and really enjoy hanging out with. Its a weird situation to me.

When I was living in Corpus Christi I became friends with a girl there. She wasn't there for long, but in the time that I knew her she was very intent on making sure that we hung out a lot. She was also very intent on making sure that every new student pilot's wife was her friend. If you questioned her about it she would say "We have to invite *insert name* to go out with us. Her husband is in flight school too." It never came across as "Lets invite her because I think she seems cool." It was all based on the status of where our husbands or fiances were at that point in time. I never had any issues personally with this particular girl, but I do often wonder if she would have paid any attention to me if my fiance wasn't in flight school at the time.

I find the military rank structure/chain of command pretty annoying. I understand that its serves its purpose and different people have different jobs and different training. I also understand why fraternization is frowned upon between military members of drastically different ranks. What I don't understand is why some wives decide that they wear their husband's rank.

I guess my point is, I can't stand these people who want to be my friend because I have immediate acceptance in the Officer Spouse's Club. I want to be friends with people that I enjoy spending time with and people that I like as people. A few of those fall into the OSC category, but a lot of them don't. One of my best friend's here is married to a guy who is a much lower rank than Mr. V. But as I just wrote that, I realized I don't even know what his rank is, although I know she's told me before. I just simply don't care.

I have been talking to the girl who is playing a large role in getting the FRG up and running. She offered me the position of secretary and I think I am going to take it (assuming that the rest of the FRG is ok with that). After meeting with her and discussing things that the FRG might particpate in, I am getting really excited about the first meeting on Wednesday.

I'm not sure what my actual point here is. I guess I just find myself in a lifestyle that is not one I would have chosen for myself. Don't get me wrong - I love my husband and I'm happy with this lifestyle in that aspect, but stupid things just really annoy me. My dad, 2 uncles, and grandfathers were all enlisted in some form of the Armed Forces. My mother has told me a story several times over the years about her experience with this "hierarchy" of sorts. When she and my father lived in Texas during my dad's Air Force days, she ran into an old college friend of hers on the same base. After saying hi and catching up with each other, this "friend" asked my mom what her husband did. When she found out that my dad was just a "lowly" enlisted guy, she told my mother flat out that she couldn't talk to her or hang out with her again, because she was married to an officer. That story always horrified me a bit. Not only because I don't think that way, but because thats just plain rude! When I met my husband my mom told me that story again and made me swear over and over that I would never treat anyone the way she was treated by her old "friend". I have no intentions of ever doing that. Now, if you make me angry, or do something bad to me, then I may be a little nasty to you in return. But I promise, that will only stem from whatever incident caused me to be mad at you in the first place :-).

So I guess what I am trying to say is, why can't people just be friends with people because they like the person? Its almost like the ladies in the OSC have to be my friend because its necessary, not because they want to be.

This weekend will be a perfect example. A few crews from my husband's squadron (my husband included) are in Japan for a few weeks. I received an email this morning from the wife of the squadron's CO. She sent it out to only officer wives. She wants to get together with everyone who's husband is currently gone for dinner. But when you really think about it, why did she only invite officer wives? P3 crews are fairly large and there are a lot of other wives out there who also have husbands in Japan right now. Aren't our husband's all in the same place? So if one group of ladies wants to get together for some ladies night fun, why can't everyone be included?

Maybe I am overreacting to this and over thinking everything. All I know is that I am REALLY looking forward to the first FRG meeting on Wednesday. Once that gets started up, then anyone can be friends with anyone in it, and I do hope that the people who participate will be more like me in the way they think.