Friendship or Necessity?

My husband's squadron has an active Officer Spouse's Club. They also have an inactive FRG (Family Readiness Group) that is in the process of starting up again. The Officer Spouse's Club is obviously for spouses of officers. The FRG is open to all spouses of all ranks. Mr. V is an officer which gave me immediate membership into the OSC. When we first relocated here, one of the first things that happened was when he was checking in. There was the instant question of "Are you married?" followed immediately by "What's your wife's contact info?" Within 1 day of that conversation, my inbox became flooded with emails from the OSC. Its basically like an immediate acceptance into a special club. Its also an automatic assumption that I actually want to be part of that special club. And that's where my mixed feelings come into play. On one hand, I love the fact that I have the opportunity to meet new people in a new place. On the other hand, I have met a lot of new people here and many of them have nothing to do with the OSC or even the same squadron, or even the military in general.

I am a person who chooses to be friends with someone because I like them. I have never been a cliquey person and I can't stand people that are. I don't like the idea that some people like me because they are supposed to. Take the OSC for example. I've been to 2 events so far. Every single person was super nice and super sweet to me. However, I can tell that in any other situation, I wouldn't be friends with a lot of these ladies. That is not to say that I don't like them, or anything is wrong with them. I just mean that I can already tell I have nothing in common with them and if we should meet on the street, we probably wouldn't give each other a second glance. On a positive note, I did meet a few ladies that I have a lot in common with and really enjoy hanging out with. Its a weird situation to me.

When I was living in Corpus Christi I became friends with a girl there. She wasn't there for long, but in the time that I knew her she was very intent on making sure that we hung out a lot. She was also very intent on making sure that every new student pilot's wife was her friend. If you questioned her about it she would say "We have to invite *insert name* to go out with us. Her husband is in flight school too." It never came across as "Lets invite her because I think she seems cool." It was all based on the status of where our husbands or fiances were at that point in time. I never had any issues personally with this particular girl, but I do often wonder if she would have paid any attention to me if my fiance wasn't in flight school at the time.

I find the military rank structure/chain of command pretty annoying. I understand that its serves its purpose and different people have different jobs and different training. I also understand why fraternization is frowned upon between military members of drastically different ranks. What I don't understand is why some wives decide that they wear their husband's rank.

I guess my point is, I can't stand these people who want to be my friend because I have immediate acceptance in the Officer Spouse's Club. I want to be friends with people that I enjoy spending time with and people that I like as people. A few of those fall into the OSC category, but a lot of them don't. One of my best friend's here is married to a guy who is a much lower rank than Mr. V. But as I just wrote that, I realized I don't even know what his rank is, although I know she's told me before. I just simply don't care.

I have been talking to the girl who is playing a large role in getting the FRG up and running. She offered me the position of secretary and I think I am going to take it (assuming that the rest of the FRG is ok with that). After meeting with her and discussing things that the FRG might particpate in, I am getting really excited about the first meeting on Wednesday.

I'm not sure what my actual point here is. I guess I just find myself in a lifestyle that is not one I would have chosen for myself. Don't get me wrong - I love my husband and I'm happy with this lifestyle in that aspect, but stupid things just really annoy me. My dad, 2 uncles, and grandfathers were all enlisted in some form of the Armed Forces. My mother has told me a story several times over the years about her experience with this "hierarchy" of sorts. When she and my father lived in Texas during my dad's Air Force days, she ran into an old college friend of hers on the same base. After saying hi and catching up with each other, this "friend" asked my mom what her husband did. When she found out that my dad was just a "lowly" enlisted guy, she told my mother flat out that she couldn't talk to her or hang out with her again, because she was married to an officer. That story always horrified me a bit. Not only because I don't think that way, but because thats just plain rude! When I met my husband my mom told me that story again and made me swear over and over that I would never treat anyone the way she was treated by her old "friend". I have no intentions of ever doing that. Now, if you make me angry, or do something bad to me, then I may be a little nasty to you in return. But I promise, that will only stem from whatever incident caused me to be mad at you in the first place :-).

So I guess what I am trying to say is, why can't people just be friends with people because they like the person? Its almost like the ladies in the OSC have to be my friend because its necessary, not because they want to be.

This weekend will be a perfect example. A few crews from my husband's squadron (my husband included) are in Japan for a few weeks. I received an email this morning from the wife of the squadron's CO. She sent it out to only officer wives. She wants to get together with everyone who's husband is currently gone for dinner. But when you really think about it, why did she only invite officer wives? P3 crews are fairly large and there are a lot of other wives out there who also have husbands in Japan right now. Aren't our husband's all in the same place? So if one group of ladies wants to get together for some ladies night fun, why can't everyone be included?

Maybe I am overreacting to this and over thinking everything. All I know is that I am REALLY looking forward to the first FRG meeting on Wednesday. Once that gets started up, then anyone can be friends with anyone in it, and I do hope that the people who participate will be more like me in the way they think.