Dear In-Laws

Dear Mother-in-Law and Father-in-Law,

Since I can't say this to your face without starting a major family fight, I decided that a blog that you will never read would be the best way to vent my frustrations.

There are a few things that you need to know and understand:

1. I am not Mr. V's secretary. I don't know where he is 24/7. He's deployed. He's not here with me. However, even if he was here with me, I still don't keep track of his every move. If I did know where he was at all times and what he was doing at all times, I still wouldn't feel like giving you a running commentary about his life.

2. When your son tells you "Don't send any mail to this address after *insert date*, that means *gasp* Don't send any mail to that address after that date! Please re-read his instructions before calling me in a panic wondering where to send your 10th care package.

3. Mr. V has email access. He has a computer. I understand he is in another country, but he still has daily access to a computer. In fact, he has a computer with an internet connection in his room. If you have a REALLY important question, you are perfectly capable of emailing him and asking him. There is no need to call me in a panic because you don't know how to get in touch with him.

4. I am perfectly capable of sending my husband toothpaste if he needs it. I am also capable of sending him snacks, razors, soap or anything else he might need. If you want to send him care packages, FINE. But stop calling me, telling me that if he tells ME that he needs something, then I should call YOU so you can send it to him. I am an adult. I have a car. I live in a town with stores. I am perfectly capable of getting into my car, driving to the store, buying some toothpaste, putting that toothpaste into a box and then driving to the post office to mail it. I'm his wife. I don't need his mother to do what I am perfectly capable of doing myself.

5. If you can't figure out how to fill out a customs form, go to the post office and ask for help. Being clueless about a customs form does not warrant 3 text messages to me explaining that you don't know how to write on the form.

6. I don't care if you are on vacation somewhere. Your travels have no effect on my life. Please stop texting me to tell me that you are in Missouri, then Alabama, and now you're back home. If you feel the need to keep your entire family informed of your whereabouts then email Mr. V and tell him. There is absolutely no reason why your travels to Alabama are important enough that you NEED to tell me about them.

7. Please stop asking me for my mailing address. I've given it to you 3 times already. If you lost it, thats your problem. I personally don't think that you lost it and you're just looking for a reason to talk to me, but if you ask me again, I'm not answering. I have more important things to do with my time, than give you the same information over and over again.

8. Please stop asking me for Mr. V's mailing address. I don't believe that you have really lost this address either.

9. If you don't hear from Mr. V in a week, there is no reason to panic. If something happens to him while he's deployed, I promise you that you will know. I'm also not sure why you feel the need to call ME when you haven't heard from him. Did I mention that he has email? Ask him yourself if you're so concerned.

10. No, I do not need you to get on a plane and fly out here to help me or keep me company. I have my own parents if I need parents to do something for me. I also know how to read a phone book and use Google so I am capable of calling a professional if I need something fixed. I also don't want your company. I have friends and a life. They keep me company. So thanks for the offer, but no thanks. (P.S. My own mother was a little insulted when you called her to inform her that you will come out here to take care of me. She has every right to be insulted since I would call MY parents if I need parents!)

11. When your son writes emails to you, don't ignore the things that he tells you. If you ignore what he says, he's going to stop contacting you. Since contact is what you want from him, then it would probably be helpful to pay attention to the things he says.

12. Stop calling me to ask me if I'm doing ok. I am doing fine. Well...that is, until you call. Then I become stressed and irritated. If I don't call you back right away, then you will text me and email me until I do respond. Please stop. If I don't respond to your "We are in Alabama now" text message, that does not mean you have to follow it up with a question that I HAVE to answer, like "whats your mailing address?" As of today, I will no longer answer any stupid questions from you.

Thank you!
Brooklet