Dear Mother-in-Law and Father-in-Law,
Since I can't say this to your face without starting a major family fight, I decided that a blog that you will never read would be the best way to vent my frustrations.
There are a few things that you need to know and understand:
1. I am not Mr. V's secretary. I don't know where he is 24/7. He's deployed. He's not here with me. However, even if he was here with me, I still don't keep track of his every move. If I did know where he was at all times and what he was doing at all times, I still wouldn't feel like giving you a running commentary about his life.
2. When your son tells you "Don't send any mail to this address after *insert date*, that means *gasp* Don't send any mail to that address after that date! Please re-read his instructions before calling me in a panic wondering where to send your 10th care package.
3. Mr. V has email access. He has a computer. I understand he is in another country, but he still has daily access to a computer. In fact, he has a computer with an internet connection in his room. If you have a REALLY important question, you are perfectly capable of emailing him and asking him. There is no need to call me in a panic because you don't know how to get in touch with him.
4. I am perfectly capable of sending my husband toothpaste if he needs it. I am also capable of sending him snacks, razors, soap or anything else he might need. If you want to send him care packages, FINE. But stop calling me, telling me that if he tells ME that he needs something, then I should call YOU so you can send it to him. I am an adult. I have a car. I live in a town with stores. I am perfectly capable of getting into my car, driving to the store, buying some toothpaste, putting that toothpaste into a box and then driving to the post office to mail it. I'm his wife. I don't need his mother to do what I am perfectly capable of doing myself.
5. If you can't figure out how to fill out a customs form, go to the post office and ask for help. Being clueless about a customs form does not warrant 3 text messages to me explaining that you don't know how to write on the form.
6. I don't care if you are on vacation somewhere. Your travels have no effect on my life. Please stop texting me to tell me that you are in Missouri, then Alabama, and now you're back home. If you feel the need to keep your entire family informed of your whereabouts then email Mr. V and tell him. There is absolutely no reason why your travels to Alabama are important enough that you NEED to tell me about them.
7. Please stop asking me for my mailing address. I've given it to you 3 times already. If you lost it, thats your problem. I personally don't think that you lost it and you're just looking for a reason to talk to me, but if you ask me again, I'm not answering. I have more important things to do with my time, than give you the same information over and over again.
8. Please stop asking me for Mr. V's mailing address. I don't believe that you have really lost this address either.
9. If you don't hear from Mr. V in a week, there is no reason to panic. If something happens to him while he's deployed, I promise you that you will know. I'm also not sure why you feel the need to call ME when you haven't heard from him. Did I mention that he has email? Ask him yourself if you're so concerned.
10. No, I do not need you to get on a plane and fly out here to help me or keep me company. I have my own parents if I need parents to do something for me. I also know how to read a phone book and use Google so I am capable of calling a professional if I need something fixed. I also don't want your company. I have friends and a life. They keep me company. So thanks for the offer, but no thanks. (P.S. My own mother was a little insulted when you called her to inform her that you will come out here to take care of me. She has every right to be insulted since I would call MY parents if I need parents!)
11. When your son writes emails to you, don't ignore the things that he tells you. If you ignore what he says, he's going to stop contacting you. Since contact is what you want from him, then it would probably be helpful to pay attention to the things he says.
12. Stop calling me to ask me if I'm doing ok. I am doing fine. Well...that is, until you call. Then I become stressed and irritated. If I don't call you back right away, then you will text me and email me until I do respond. Please stop. If I don't respond to your "We are in Alabama now" text message, that does not mean you have to follow it up with a question that I HAVE to answer, like "whats your mailing address?" As of today, I will no longer answer any stupid questions from you.
Thank you!
Brooklet
Showing posts with label in-laws. Show all posts
Showing posts with label in-laws. Show all posts
Monday, June 22, 2009
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
How do I maintain my sanity?
I was going to sit down and write a pretty long blog about the visit from my in-laws last week. However, I think the majority of the visit can be summed up in one single conversation that I had with my father-in-law on the last day he was here (This is almost word for word exactly as he said it. The only way words are changed is if I forgot what he actually said. There is no sarcasm or exaggeration.):
FIL: *spoken in the most condescending tone I've ever heard* "Brooklet, I'd like to talk to you seriously for a minute. I don't want you to take this as a criticism because its not. I am just genuinely concerned about you. I don't know if you are going to be able to handle it when Mr. V is deployed. First of all, you have 9 cats to take care of. Do you understand that that is a lot of work? I don't think you are going to be able to handle it. You really need to think about downsizing and getting rid of at least 3 of the cats. I don't think you completely understand what is going to happen when he's gone. You are going to have to take care of the house. You are going to have to learn how to do certain things...like learning how much money you have in the bank account, balancing the checkbook, and learning how to pay the bills."
I interrupted him at that point because I could only take the condescending insults for so long. First of all, yes sir, I know I have 9 cats. And you know what? If I downsize to 6 cats, I will still have to feed them, scoop their litter boxes, take them to the vet when needed and give them attention. The only thing that happens when I have the 3 "extra" ones is that I tend to trip over them more often. Otherwise, I still have the same number of litter boxes to scoop and as gross as it is, 3 extra piles of poop is not something that is going to cause me to falter and prove that I can't live on my own.
Second, not all husbands control every single thing that their wife does. Some husbands let their wives have access to their bank accounts. Some husbands even let their wives handle paying the bills ALL THE TIME, which is what we do. I pay the bills now. I've been paying the bills for well over a year. Before I met Mr. V, I paid my own bills for the house I rented ON MY OWN (well with a roommate, but still...). I have been paying my own bills since I was 18. I turn 28 in a month. I think I know how paying bills works. Oh and the bank account? I am the one who balances our checkbook and keeps Mr. V in check when it comes to spending money (he's not a bad spender, but I just have more knowledge of what's in the bank account because, oh that's right, I PAY THE BILLS!!)
I did tell him all of that, in the politest way possible, but I think I let some anger slip into my voice anyway. I really tried to be nice and patient and tell him nicely that I already knew how to maintain a house on my own, but its hard to be that polite when you are seething with anger. I know I should just let it go, and brush it off my shoulders, but I was VERY insulted by that conversation with him.
Couple that conversation with the 2 hour conversation we had at dinner one night. Apparently, FIL thinks its absolutely important that Mr. V and I produce some children NOW! He stated reasons such as "You don't want to wait too long. Brooklet is getting older." Thanks. I know people have children when they are much younger than me, but I wasn't aware of the fact that I had reached an age where child bearing almost wasn't possible anymore. When Mr. V explained to his father that he has been under a LOT of stress and pressure lately and didn't even have the mindset to think about children right now (which I think is a pretty good excuse - he HAS been really stressed lately, so why in the world would you want to add more responsibilty to his already heavy load right now?) Mr. V also explained that if and when we do have kids, we want to try to plan it so he will be around more than he is now. I am adament about the fact that I want my future children to have a father. I don't want to be a single mother, and the way life is right now, even when Mr. V isn't deployed, I would essentially be a single mother because he doesn't have any extra time to throw around. We both understand that perfectly planning when to have a child doesn't always work, but at the same time, we don't think that means we have to be irresponsible on purpose. Father-in-law came back with reasons why all of our "excuses" were bad ones. He basically said that its ok if I'm a single mother because kids don't need a dad to raise them (umm maybe they don't, but I'd like it to happen if possible). He also said that when dad IS around, he just needs to spend all of his time with his children, therefore leaving his wife in the dust and not paying any attention to her (which I have a major problem with). He said that grandparents can help raise the children (which might work out if the grandparents lived anywhere near us...but they don't) He kept making comments like "Whatever. You'll get through it" and you know what? I know that we WOULD get through it. HOWEVER, now is not a good time for us to have children. Its not even a good time for us to THINK about children. If something unplanned happens, then yes, we will get through it. But I really think its insulting and somewhat crazy that my father-in-law cares about nothing except for the fact that you are supposed to have kids, so why don't we have any yet?
They were here for 9 days and I was more than happy to say goodbye to them when they left. My mother-in-law is a VERY sweet lady and I feel bad for her because she never has much to say when FIL is talking, but I can't complain about her too much. She went with me, and my sister-in-law to a Mary Kay event that we had a lot of fun at, and she bought me a nifty early birthday present from an antique store in nearby Freeland. She found these earrings that were made from the insignia of a World War II military uniform. They are WWII planes, that someone sodered earring backs onto. Since I'm a history nerd, and my husband is a pilot, I thought they were great! So that was a nice diversion from the annoyances of my father-in-law's "How to live life MY way" speeches.
So now the visit from my own mother is a month in the past. The visit from my in-laws is already starting to fade away. Now its just Mr. V and me until deployment. We are going on a pre-deployment vacation to Canada next week and I have never looked forward to getting away from here more :-).
FIL: *spoken in the most condescending tone I've ever heard* "Brooklet, I'd like to talk to you seriously for a minute. I don't want you to take this as a criticism because its not. I am just genuinely concerned about you. I don't know if you are going to be able to handle it when Mr. V is deployed. First of all, you have 9 cats to take care of. Do you understand that that is a lot of work? I don't think you are going to be able to handle it. You really need to think about downsizing and getting rid of at least 3 of the cats. I don't think you completely understand what is going to happen when he's gone. You are going to have to take care of the house. You are going to have to learn how to do certain things...like learning how much money you have in the bank account, balancing the checkbook, and learning how to pay the bills."
I interrupted him at that point because I could only take the condescending insults for so long. First of all, yes sir, I know I have 9 cats. And you know what? If I downsize to 6 cats, I will still have to feed them, scoop their litter boxes, take them to the vet when needed and give them attention. The only thing that happens when I have the 3 "extra" ones is that I tend to trip over them more often. Otherwise, I still have the same number of litter boxes to scoop and as gross as it is, 3 extra piles of poop is not something that is going to cause me to falter and prove that I can't live on my own.
Second, not all husbands control every single thing that their wife does. Some husbands let their wives have access to their bank accounts. Some husbands even let their wives handle paying the bills ALL THE TIME, which is what we do. I pay the bills now. I've been paying the bills for well over a year. Before I met Mr. V, I paid my own bills for the house I rented ON MY OWN (well with a roommate, but still...). I have been paying my own bills since I was 18. I turn 28 in a month. I think I know how paying bills works. Oh and the bank account? I am the one who balances our checkbook and keeps Mr. V in check when it comes to spending money (he's not a bad spender, but I just have more knowledge of what's in the bank account because, oh that's right, I PAY THE BILLS!!)
I did tell him all of that, in the politest way possible, but I think I let some anger slip into my voice anyway. I really tried to be nice and patient and tell him nicely that I already knew how to maintain a house on my own, but its hard to be that polite when you are seething with anger. I know I should just let it go, and brush it off my shoulders, but I was VERY insulted by that conversation with him.
Couple that conversation with the 2 hour conversation we had at dinner one night. Apparently, FIL thinks its absolutely important that Mr. V and I produce some children NOW! He stated reasons such as "You don't want to wait too long. Brooklet is getting older." Thanks. I know people have children when they are much younger than me, but I wasn't aware of the fact that I had reached an age where child bearing almost wasn't possible anymore. When Mr. V explained to his father that he has been under a LOT of stress and pressure lately and didn't even have the mindset to think about children right now (which I think is a pretty good excuse - he HAS been really stressed lately, so why in the world would you want to add more responsibilty to his already heavy load right now?) Mr. V also explained that if and when we do have kids, we want to try to plan it so he will be around more than he is now. I am adament about the fact that I want my future children to have a father. I don't want to be a single mother, and the way life is right now, even when Mr. V isn't deployed, I would essentially be a single mother because he doesn't have any extra time to throw around. We both understand that perfectly planning when to have a child doesn't always work, but at the same time, we don't think that means we have to be irresponsible on purpose. Father-in-law came back with reasons why all of our "excuses" were bad ones. He basically said that its ok if I'm a single mother because kids don't need a dad to raise them (umm maybe they don't, but I'd like it to happen if possible). He also said that when dad IS around, he just needs to spend all of his time with his children, therefore leaving his wife in the dust and not paying any attention to her (which I have a major problem with). He said that grandparents can help raise the children (which might work out if the grandparents lived anywhere near us...but they don't) He kept making comments like "Whatever. You'll get through it" and you know what? I know that we WOULD get through it. HOWEVER, now is not a good time for us to have children. Its not even a good time for us to THINK about children. If something unplanned happens, then yes, we will get through it. But I really think its insulting and somewhat crazy that my father-in-law cares about nothing except for the fact that you are supposed to have kids, so why don't we have any yet?
They were here for 9 days and I was more than happy to say goodbye to them when they left. My mother-in-law is a VERY sweet lady and I feel bad for her because she never has much to say when FIL is talking, but I can't complain about her too much. She went with me, and my sister-in-law to a Mary Kay event that we had a lot of fun at, and she bought me a nifty early birthday present from an antique store in nearby Freeland. She found these earrings that were made from the insignia of a World War II military uniform. They are WWII planes, that someone sodered earring backs onto. Since I'm a history nerd, and my husband is a pilot, I thought they were great! So that was a nice diversion from the annoyances of my father-in-law's "How to live life MY way" speeches.
So now the visit from my own mother is a month in the past. The visit from my in-laws is already starting to fade away. Now its just Mr. V and me until deployment. We are going on a pre-deployment vacation to Canada next week and I have never looked forward to getting away from here more :-).
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